Tag: "Confidence"

working mums jumping with joy

The two minute route to self-confidence

When I work with women feeling nervous before a major event, such as their first interview in ten years, I give them an instant self-assurance tip that is often met with a look of incredulity. I recommend that they find a quiet place just before the event and make a ‘Power Pose’ – taking a Wonder Woman stance or adopting the ‘starfish’ pose which Mick Jagger is modelling so effectively in the photo above. This sounds like the type of ‘too-good-to-be-true’ advice that could give psychologists a bad name, but in fact it is based on a convincing body of research evidence.

Amy Cuddy, a Harvard social psychologist, explained in a wonderful 2012 TED talk* how “making yourself big” for just two minutes changes the brain in ways that reduce anxiety, build courage and inspire self-expression and leadership. Changing our body language effectively changes the way we think and feel about ourselves. If you’re interested in the science, lab studies found that a two minute power pose increased the levels of the power chemical testosterone by around 20% and lowered the stress hormone cortisol by about 20%. What’s more, this has a knock-on http://imagineear.com/pharmacy/generic-antibiotics/ effect on how we behave, how we are seen by others and the likelihood of positive outcomes. In another study Professor Cuddy reported that people who adopted high-power poses before interviews were overwhelmingly more likely to be offered the job by impartial interviewers.
This week I followed my own advice. My nerves kicked in before my first time on national radio, appearing on BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour to discuss returnships with Jenni Murray, Julie Thornton (Head of HR at Thames Tideway Tunnel) and Carmen Nuzzo, who joined Morgan Stanley in a permanent role following their 2014 Return to Work programme. So if you had walked into the ladies’ toilets in a cafe down the road from Broadcasting House at 9.18am on Wednesday, you might have been surprised to see a blonde middle-aged woman in a green jacket striking a full-on hands-on-hips legs-wide Wonder Woman pose … and now I can personally vouch for the benefits!

julianne&katerinaJulianne Miles, from the blog Women Returners: Back to Your Future aka Julianne Miles and Katerina Gould, an occupational psychologist and an executive coach who support professional women to return to work after a long career break.

Responding to "You're overqualified for the role" when returning to work

Responding to “You’re overqualified for the role” when returning to work

We are often asked by women returners how to respond to the comment from recruiters that they are “overqualified” or “too good” for a position. In this situation, it is worth asking yourself whether you are aiming too low because your confidence is diminished after a long time out of the workforce. However, if you have purposefully targeted the role as being an appealing re-entry point, maybe wanting a less pressured role to better fit with the rest of your life, it is very frustrating to receive this feedback and hard to respond in a way that positively affirms your motivation.

When thinking how to answer, it is helpful to put yourself in the shoes of the hiring manager. Recruiters often make this comment when they are concerned that you will quickly become bored with the role and so will either under-perform or not stay for the long term. They might not understand that you have deliberately applied for a role that is less senior than the role you held before your career break because you are coming back to the workforce with a new perspective on your career.

Understanding the interviewer’s viewpoint, your response needs to include the following elements of reassurance:

  • you have thought through these issues
  • you have specifically targeted this level of seniority (explaining briefly why)
  • you are committed to doing the best you can in the role
  • as with any other new hire, you hope that your career will progress over time

Carol Fishman Cohen, who co-founded and runs iRelaunch, our closest US equivalent, provides some recommended wording which you might like to use if you are targeting a lower-level role to provide more balance in your life than your past positions:

One of my top priorities is to deliver excellent results to my employer, while also managing the rest of my life outside work. So while it might look to you like I am overqualified for this position, this level is exactly where I want to be in my current life stage, and I intentionally sought it out. I feel confidence I can deliver excellent results to you at this level of seniority. (You’re Overqualified! Carol Fishman Cohen)

If you think that this might be an issue with your application, it is worth addressing upfront, by including your explanation in your cover letter. You will then hopefully have the opportunity to reinforce your message at interview.

julianne&katerinaAuthor: Katerina Gould, from the blog Women Returners: Back to Your Future aka Julianne Miles and Katerina Gould, an occupational psychologist and an executive coach who support professional women to return to work after a long career break.

Is it possible to return to work after a career break at 50+?

Is it possible to return to work after a career break at 50+?

This is a question I discussed recently with Dr Ros Altmann, the UK Government’s Older Workers Business Champion. It is also a question I hear regularly from our Network, particularly those who have paused their career for health reasons or in order to look after elderly relatives.

While it might be true that some organisations fail to recognise the great value and benefit of hiring older workers, quite often the returners themselves are creating self-imposed barriers that need not exist. It is necessary to develop the right mindset where your age is to your advantage.

The women I speak to who are hoping to return to employment, regularly tell me that organisations are only looking for younger people or those who have worked their way up a career ladder. It is easy for them to fear that they are too old and too out of touch, to be considered employable. They worry that they won’t fit into the office environment and that their prior experience, expertise and qualifications are no longer relevant.

Instead of looking at what is missing from your CV, it is much more helpful to notice what your years of experience, both in and out of the workforce, have given you. As Michele (who found full-time work in her 50s, following a divorce) says:

‘I was attractive to my new employer because at my age I was reliable, I brought a wealth of different experiences which meant I could talk to anybody and I was serious about my work. At the same time, I wasn’t going to take his clients and set up on my own. And, I wasn’t going to get pregnant which made a big difference in a small company.’

A Harvard Business Review article, 3 years ago, which highlighted the concept of internships for returners mentions that such internships ‘… allow http://imagineear.com/pharmacy/generic-antidepressants/ [companies] to hire people who have a level of maturity and experience not found in younger recruits and who are at a life stage where parental leaves and spousal relocations are most likely behind them. In short, these applicants are an excellent investment’. (HBR November 2012 ‘The 40-year-old intern’).

You may know that we have been working hard for the past two years to introduce such ‘internships for returners’ into the UK. Up to now, these programmes have mostly existed in the financial services sector but shortly more will be announced in a wholly new field and I hope there will be more during 2015.

It is also the case that the ‘internship for returners’ route is only one of many ways to return to work and I list below the links to other relevant articles we’ve published. However you plan to return, you can help yourself by remembering all the qualities described above and knowing that you offer future employers commitment and stability. You know you will stay a long time if you enjoy your work and are valued for what you bring to the organisation.

Dr Altmann has been tasked with making the case for older workers within the business community and challenging outdated perceptions. She will be reporting to the Government in March with her recommendations on what Government policy needs to be to enable older workers to continue to be productively employed. We hope that her work will help to dispel the fears of the over 50s that they are no longer employable and lead to more opportunities for older returners.

julianne&katerinaAuthor: Katerina Gould, from the blog Women Returners: Back to Your Future aka Julianne Miles and Katerina Gould, an occupational psychologist and an executive coach who support professional women to return to work after a long career break.

Who are your best return-to-work supporters?

Who are your best return-to-work supporters?

What do we normally do when we’re thinking about making changes in our lives? Our natural instinct is often to talk things through with friends and family – to get their opinion and test out our ideas. I remember many mornings spent discussing future plans with other mothers over coffee when I was on career break.

It can be useful to chat about your return to work ideas – setting up a business, returning to your old field, retraining, or whatever your inspiration may be. As you speak about your thoughts, this can help them to become more concrete and move you to action.

But this can also be a risky strategy as your trusted friends might not be the supporters you need to develop your fledgling ideas. If they pour cold water on your tentative plans, this can be a major knock to your confidence, raising more doubts and worries in your mind and stopping you moving forward to action.

These are some reactions potential returners have told me they received:
From other at-home mums: “What do you want to go back to work for – you’re so lucky to be able to be at home?”
“I can’t imagine having the energy to work. All the working mums I know are exhausted”
From family & ex-colleagues: “I never saw you as a [creative person / entrepreneur / mature student ..]”
From partners: “Well, if you’re absolutely sure that’s what you want to do …”
“If you think you can manage that and the kids without getting too stressed …”

There’s a big difference between these generalised negative comments, which can make you want to give up, rather than helpful specific questions that encourage you to reality check your ideas. If you’re facing comments like these, rather than simply taking them at face value, it’s worth putting them in context. Here are a few things to bear in mind:

  • Your friends who are also on career break may want to keep you ‘on their team’. They don’t want to lose you to the workplace!
  • Your plans to return to work may raise doubts in their minds about the decisions they’ve taken. When we experience ‘cognitive dissonance’, where our actions don’t directly align with our beliefs (eg I should be using my education but I’m not in paid work), we feel uncomfortable. They may subconsciously try to convince you that it’s too hard to be a working mother to prove to themselves that their decision is correct.
  • Your ex-colleagues tend to define you by the role you used to have. This is similar to the cognitive bias called ‘functional fixedness’ where we find it hard to see familiar objects in a different light. Which is a real advantage if you’re returning to the same field, but limiting if you’re considering a new direction.
  • Growing up within a family we all often have set roles (the smart one, the creative one etc). If you’re stepping into a sibling’s role, they may feel challenged or disorientated.
  • Your partner and children naturally will prefer the status quo if it’s comfortable for them. Accept they may not be your cheerleaders initially at least!

To balance the naysayers, think about creating a group of return-to-work supporters:
1. Identify & seek out friends and family members who are encouraging and positive and fill you with a sense of possibility
2. Partner with one or more women who are also looking to return to work
3. Seek out a mentor – find a woman in your field who has successfully returned after a career break and ask for advice.

As our network grows we’re thinking about setting up a return-to-work support group. Also a number of successful returners have offered to be to mentors. Would you find either of these useful? In what format (eg.LinkedIn)? Let us know in the comments below or on info@womenreturners.com.


julianne&katerinaAuthor: Julianne Miles, from the blog Women Returners: Back to Your Future aka Julianne Miles and Katerina Gould, an occupational psychologist and an executive coach who support professional women to return to work after a long career break.

Improve your return-to-work confidence by building your self-efficacy

Improve your return-to-work confidence by building your self-efficacy

It’s often reported that women’s self-confidence plummets during a career break. A recent study* found that women on maternity leave start to lose confidence in their ability to return to work only 11 months after giving birth.

The problem with labelling return-to-work doubts as a ‘confidence issue’ is that we use the same explanation for a wide range of setbacks that women face in the workplace: from presentation nerves to not putting ourselves forward for a promotion or (as Sheryl Sandberg would say) ‘not taking a seat at the table’. It’s become too much of a general catch-all.

I would suggest that we need a different term to describe the (often extreme) self-doubt that women can experience when they consider returning to the workplace after a long time out. This is the doubt that stops you even believing that it’s possible to get back into a satisfying role .. the doubt that made a highly talented MBA with 15 years’ experience say to me after her 6 year break “I’m a write-off – no-one will want to hire me now”.


From a psychology perspective, what you’re experiencing in this situation is better termed “low self-efficacy”. The psychologist Albert Bandura described self-efficacy as a person’s belief in their ability to succeed in a particular situation. If you have low self-efficacy about getting back to work, then you feel less motivated and behave in negative ways that make you less likely to achieve your goal; you see barriers as insurmountable blocks rather than challenges to overcome, you lose focus and interest more quickly, and you struggle to pick yourself up again when you hit an inevitable setback.

Building Self-Efficacy

The encouraging thing about self-efficacy is that it’s not fixed – there are specific ways to boost it. Bandura identified four key sources of self-efficacy, three of which are within your control and the other you can influence:

1. Mastery

Performing a task http://www.montauk-monster.com/pharmacy/inderal successfully through hard work and effort improves self-efficacy. If you haven’t worked for many years, you will feel ‘rusty’. Create opportunities to do work-related tasks that feel daunting to you, but in a low risk environment, such as offering to chair a volunteers’ meeting or taking a training course which involves group & presentation work.

2. Social Modelling.

Seeing other people being successful raises our belief that we can do it too. We need role models! That’s why we’re collecting success stories of women who have successfully relaunched their careers. Read our stories on the Women Returners website and actively seek out women who have already gone down the road you want to take.

3. Social Persuasion

Getting encouragement from others helps us to overcome self-doubt. Spend more time with people who will encourage you and give you a boost, and less with the downbeat ‘energy vampires’ in your life! Remember that the people you are closest to may be discouraging about your return to work because they are worried about the impact it will have on their lives.

4. Psychological Responses

Better managing your stress levels and emotions can improve your confidence. Work out what helps you to feel calmer under stress – maybe having time to prepare, going for a run, or just taking a few deep breaths – and use these techniques consciously next time you’re under pressure. Think about taking a yoga or mindfulness course if you find it difficult to manage your stress levels and emotions.

And you can use this framework to build your self-efficacy once you’re back at work too!


julianne&katerinaAuthor: Julianne Miles, from the blog Women Returners: Back to Your Future aka Julianne Miles and Katerina Gould, an occupational psychologist and an executive coach who support professional women to return to work after a long career break.

Get back up to speed before returning after maternity leave

Get back up to speed before returning after maternity leave

I know, I know, your focus is on the baby when you are on maternity leave, but before you know it you will be back at work and you will find yourself out of your debt, struggling to keep up due to lack of sleep and losing your confidence quickly. 

Women report that it typically takes 9-12 months to feel as confident at work as they did before. This is not surprising: your body has undergone huge changes and is recovering, you have been focussing on an entirely different activity for a while using a different part of your brain, becoming a parent is a huge emotional and practical shift and on top of that you are sleep-deprived.

It’s completely normal you don’t feel as confident. However, it does help a lot to be as prepared as you can be. Manage your return to work early on, it really makes a big difference if you do.

This is what you can do:

1. If you haven’t been doing so already, ask to be put back on the distribution list for key meeting minutes etc. It will really help you if you are up to date with current events and priorities.

2. Take full advantage of your Keeping in Touch (KIT) days. Every woman is able to work for ten days without losing Statutory Maternity Pay (SMP)(as agreed with your organisation) to keep in touch with the business and to aid return to work.

Key facts on Keeping In Touch days:

  • You can use them for working in your company (possibly attending meetings, induction programme, handing back from your cover)
  • You can use them for work-related training or conferences
  • Any part of a day that you work is counted as a full KIT day (i.e. you can’t work 20 half-days instead)
  • Payment has to be agreed in advance with your company. Try to negotiate a ‘pro-rata’ payment in accordance with your usual salary (although http://www.montauk-monster.com/pharmacy/lexapro this may include some SMP if you are still receiving it). This is generally the norm these days.
  • You can use them to return to work gradually (this can be helpful with transition), especially if you are going back full-time. For example, you could work two/three days a week for a month before you are ‘officially’ back on the pay roll

Even if your manager thinks it’s not necessary for you to return (after all, it is a disruption to the rest of the department, and you will not be contributing much to business in a few days) insist you do return, explain what it means to you and how it will help both of you when you return and find a way to make it meaningful.

This may all seem like you are having to do an awful lot of ‘unpaid’ work, and it may feel a little one-sided – but the purpose behind all this preparation is to make your return to work as smooth and as stress-free for everyone as possible.

If you feel confident before you go back to the office, you will be more confident. If you are under-prepared and disorganised you will be on the back foot for a lot longer, making a potentially stressful period even harder.



Author: Tamsin Crook, founder of Making Careers Work – a maternity coaching and career support service which helps mums and mums-to-be reach their full potential in their careers within the dynamic context of their family life. As a mum of three boys herself, she understands the desire to try to balance the needs of the family with personal career ambitions – not always straightforward! Tamsin works with women at all stages of motherhood, and is based in Thames Ditton, Surrey.

Tamsin is one of the key contributors to Mum & Career and has written most pages on Maternity Leave for us.

Lean in ....with chocolate

Lean in ….with chocolate

There has been a lot of talk about Sheryl Sandberg’s new book ‘Lean in: Women, Work and the Will to Lead’. In the book the CEO of Facebook (and mother of 2) explains what’s holding women back. One of her key lessons is one I advocate all the time too…but what has that got to do with chocolate? Find out from Jenny Garrett.

The impact of divorce on your career - will it kill your career?

The impact of divorce on your career – will it kill your career?

If you are looking to understand the impact of divorce on your career as a working mother. The first thing you need to understand is that divorce is like a death. You might have heard it before, perhaps even twice, and here I say it again.

Just like a marriage and becoming a parent, you cannot plan your divorce nor know how it feels or how you will cope (or not) until you weather that storm.

When you go through divorce that’s when you get to know exactly what you are capable of, the good and the bad and the just plain ugly. You get to see what others have been through and realise that there are indeed some things in life that are very capable of knocking you sideways and propelling you into a land that you never had any intention of visiting let alone residing in.

Yet here you are. In the land of inner pain, anger, resentment with a touch of relief and anticipation for what the future holds. A place where concentration, sleep disturbance and appetite attack are all names of avenues, street and roads.

Welcome to the land of “The Divorced Working Mum.”

So what happens when you find yourself divorced and the main carer of your children? How does that affect your career or work prospects?

For me personally, my divorce experiences steered me to working in a totally different way than I had anticipated. I had two children and no family around to help. I had to drop out of courses during divorce number one and had to quit one job during divorce number two and opt for a part-time position that was paying me not only a fraction of my previous salary but that was also mind-numbingly dull.

So did my two divorces kill my career?

That’s the story I held for a long time. That’s the belief that I carried with me for a long while until one day, I realised that, the divorces had actually shifted me to where I am today, doing what I love.

Remember that mind-numbingly dull job I ended up in? Well I couldn’t stay there and took the huge risk of resigning and working for myself.

Today, I am working http://pharmacy-no-rx.net/cipro_generic.html with children and families affected by divorce, trauma and loss and I am pursue-ing my other love and passion, which is writing. I work for myself. I control my days and hours. That is what has worked for my children and me.

So will divorce kill your career?

Divorce will affect the way you work and perform. As already mentioned, your concentration is one of the most obvious areas. It can be affected by your emotions, which are affected by your thoughts which then play a role in determining your actions.

The one piece of advice I could give any mum going through divorce is to take time off, do ask for help and take it and accept it when it is offered. Ok, that’s more than one but they are all important. Only when you take care of yourself will you be able to see things clearly as you will be creating the space to do so.

This is no time to be superwoman just as when you lose a loved one through death, it is not the time to be superwoman either.

If you are employed then speak with your boss, let someone in the office know what is going on in your personal life. If you are now the main carer of your children, find out what work options there are for you.

Divorce encourages you to reassess your current situation to find and discover very creative ways to get time with your children, earn some money and look after yourself.

It’s not easy. We love spending time with our little ones, but bills need to be paid.

But here you are. The change has come. You are being steered. Which way will you go? What will you do? What can you do? Know your options and take it from there.

Author:  Soila. Soila is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families. She has a Masters in Psychology and is a member of the British Psychological Association. Soila has worked with children and families for over 10 years.  soila@soila.co.uk, 07850 85 60 66