Helpseeker asks Mum & Career
I would like to ask for your help and opinion.
I’m mom of a lovely 2 year and a half little girl. I didn’t work for her first year and then started working as a freelancer on her second year and until now (social media marketing). I started working for a small marketing agency and then I secured another client and 1 month ago, one more client with a small project that could lead to a long-term cooperation if they like my work.
I’ve been working from home 3 days per week and my daughter is at the nursery on those days. My husband has a full-time job in a company.
Working as a freelancer just 3 days per week has been really busy as I also do laundry, shopping, exercise, on these days. But I love the flexibility it gives me, to organise my days and be able to spend time with my little girl as well.
Well, because since the beginning of this year I started having less work, me and my husband talked about me finding a permanent job in a company. I didn’t want to go to a full-time job so I started looking for a part-time position, which are not many in my sector. A recruiter approached me on Linkedin with a good opportunity to work for a marketing agency 20min. from home, and they wanted to interview me. I went to the interview thinking I have nothing to lose since I’m looking for a part-time job instead, but the thing is, they liked me and offered me the position. It’s a full-time job though, very well-paid and we would need the financial stability and a steady income it would give us.
So I accepted the job offer (which I’ll start in 2 weeks) but I’m now feeling soooooo confused! On one hand it would be good to have a stable job with a steady income but on the other hand that would mean having a full-time schedule, no flexibility and probably have to give up on my freelance clients. And, it will mean that my daughter would have to start 5 days full-time at the nursery, and less time with her. Although she loves the nursery, I feel so sad to give up on that flexibility and time with her. And I feel so guilty for her to start going 5 days a week to the nursery being so young!
I’m also so scared of two things: having to be all day inside a company and also giving up my freelance clients, especially when recently I was started working with a new one that could become a long-term client just like the other two I already have and provide me with more money. When I started working as a freelance it was supposed to be something temporary, but then it started to grow and now I can’t seem to let go. But if I give up on the full-time job I’m scared to feel sorry in the future.
Should I start the full-time job maintaining my 3 freelance clients, at least for the first month in order to see how it goes, so I don’t put all eggs in one basket and then feel sorry if I don’t like the full-time job?
Thank you for reading and I apologise for the long email. Would really appreciate your help!
Yes, that is a difficult situation, especially as your husband, your daughter and money are involved.
Ideally, if I were you, I would book an appointment with a life coach, who can help you sort out priorities. They usually cost between £40 and £150 per hour and I am sure you can find one in your area. I am also happy to recommend one if you like, as many write for Mum & Career.
Basically you have a mix of emotions going on:
- will my husband accept it if I don’t take the job?
- do I enjoy my business?
- can I make it work long-term? Is it sustainable?
- will there still be a job next year? Is this my ONLY chance?
- can I cope with seeing my daughter less?
- can my daughter cope with seeing me less, will it be harmful?
I have a bit of input for each one of them below.
First
- what would you do if it was just your decision? and if no money or child was involved? What would you do if it was just about work? Which type of work would you prefer to do? Where is your passion?
- what sort of parent do you ideally want to be?
Other things to consider to help you stay in business
- Are there ways you could speed up earning money from your business, eg working with a business-mentor or business-coach, or hiring a marketing person. Then you could give it another year, set yourself a minimum income target and see if you can pull it off. Most businesses do require investment to make them work, so you might have to invest £500-£1000 to get the help you need to grow.
- Are there ways you could economise on household outgoings for the next year to help you grow your business?
- If there is a job now, surely there will be a job in a years time, especially as you will have more experience in growing your business
Other things to consider to decide in favour of taking the job
- One of the recommended strategies for making work and family work is ‘alternating’. You spend more time with your child(ren) for a couple of years, then the balance goes to work for a while, then you go back to child(ren) again. Agree with your husband and yourself that you will do this for eg. 2 years, then evaluate: how is your daughter doing, how are you financially, how are you feeling, what’s it like for your husband? What can be the harm in trying?
- Children are incredibly flexible, your daughter will make sure you feel that she misses you (as ideally they want it all: both parents in full attention 100% of the time). However, long-term there is no negative impact (according to lots of research) if both parents work full-time. Provided there is good childcare in place, and you do spend time with your children when you are at home, and do stay as involved as you can. Actually at this young age, they might not even remember it (most memories people have are from when they are older, eg 6 onwards). Many mothers find that especially when their children are teenagers they need to be there, and childcare and homework can no longer be outsourced. Perhaps it’s okay to be less available now.
- full-time working mothers are often https://buytramadolbest.com/xanax.html very happy at work, and have independent children that have learned to look after themselves and have learned that working (earning money to look after the family) is an important thing to do, they develop learning that men and women can cook and clean and provide an income- It’s a risky strategy to have only one job as a family, and another one that is very low on income. It’s also a risky strategy for you, as a person. What would you do if for whatever reason your husband (and his income) aren’t there? Would you take the job in that case? Many women (and their children) and up in poverty as they thought ‘this would never happen to them’
- Things will change over time. Soon your daughter will be in school. While the first year is often half days (and hard to manage with childcare, but certainly possible, however most of your extra income might go to childcare). After that your daughter will be in school 8.30-3.30, with often after school clubs around that. So she will not even be around most of your working day and will not miss you. At this point childcare costs will also go down for you, ensuring you do have income left after paying for childcare
- Your job might change over time. Once you are fully settled, after a year or so, and you know the job well, you may well be able to negotiate more flexible hours. Eg. going home at school pick-up time twice a week and working early mornings to make up for it, or working some hours over the weekend. It’s all about knowing what the job (and the business) demands are, then explaining you can fulfill them, but just in a bit more unconventional hours.
- Whilst in the job, keep in the back of your mind you might want to rebuild your business one day. Consider ways to keep up with some key people in your network in a light touch way, and build on skills, certificates and training programmes that may well come in handy once you do decide you would like to re-start for yourself.
- Sit down with your husband and talk about how he is going to be there more for housework and your daughter once you work full-time too. Make sure you have some solid agreements here
Last but not least
It really isn’t as big a deal as you think. You can always change your mind in a few years time. Your daughter will be fine either way (even though she might rebel initially). It’s certainly important for your daughter to grow up in a stable financial situation.
All the very best. There are pro’s and con’s to each choice and it may work best to just give it a go and try if it works. Personally I am very grateful I did work full-time for 2 years when my son was 3-4 years old. I learned full-time really is too much for me and my family, and even tough I loved the job I was glad I was made redundant. That has made me more determined to make my business work and have the flexibility I so enjoy. It’s also made it easier to accept that my career has not flourished like my husbands and that of some of my friends.
Helpseeker Responds
Thank you very much for your quick and really helpful reply!
You really gave me food for thought. I especially liked your question “what would I do if money wasn’t an issue”. And you know what? It wouldn’t be either a full-time position or freelancing. It would be creating and developing my own business, that is an online website I’ve started. As I’ve previously worked in recruitment and now work in social media marketing, basically the website is combining the two, helping job seekers to use social media to promote themselves and find a job. I’ve started this recently and I would like it to grow eventually and who knows, maybe in the future be my business.
But I guess that for now having a full-time job is the best option, since we were struggling financially with the ups and downs from my income that changes every month. And when my daughter was born I was out of work and my husband lost his job too, so we struggled for a few months and we’re still doing credit card repayments. So I guess a well-paid full-time job and a steady income is what we need at the moment.
I also liked that you mentioned that me going back to a full-time job doesn’t mean I’ll have to do it forever, I can re-evaluate it in a year or so or maybe in a year or so my website is up and running and I can quit my job. A full-time job will also allow me to spend a bit more money on my website as well, like paid advertising and so, something I cannot do it at the moment. And also I’ll be working with other people in my sector and learn new things, which I can even apply to my website.
I guess I’m struggling emotionally with going back to a full-time job, but rationally I know it’s the best thing to do. I don’t want to drop it and continue to freelance in order to have time with my daughter and then down the road we have more financial problems or I even lose a client for any reason and we end up in a bad situation. I wouldn’t want to put my daughter and husband in that kind of situation.
Thank you very much Inge, you really helped me to focus on what needs to be done right now.
Expert Answer by Inge Woudstra – Working Women’s Expert
I am so glad it has been helpful! Thank you for sharing your solution too. Considering your situation it sounds like a solid plan. Most people who start a business start around their work. Of course you also have your little girl, so there may not be much time, but you also have a husband, and might even consider (after a few months to get into your new routine), to dedicate 1 or 2 blocks of time a week to it. Eg reserve Sunday evening or afternoon for your business, and agree your husband does some house duties to relieve you in that evening.
In my experience it does require investment to really build a business, I have learned that working on Mum & Career. Better to outsource, get it done more professionally and quicker than you could have ever done yourself.
All the very best with your new phase in life.