joejoemango asks Mum & Career
😮 last august my children and I had to leave our home and area we lived in to a totally new area. it was literally a stick a pin in the map moment. Too much to go into to explain here. Anyway, I had a very short time to find new schools for my children and we have now been here for 4 months. The children are settling into schools and clubs. I have been unable to work. I was a full time house wife before and had health issues which didn’t make things easy.
When my husband kicked me out of our home I have had to start to do and learn things I have not done before. I have health issues, some of which I hope will improve as the stress improves, but it has been an awful roller coaster ride.
I have gone through the hurt, confusion and difficulties and I’m tired of feeling unwell and of being tired all the time. I am also very lonely. i want to be able to work. i have so many things I enjoy doing. But things I can’t do at the moment because of trouble with my hands.
I am a hairdresser, beauty therapist and chiropodist by trade but apart from a bit of hairdressing I haven’t been able to do much with these mainly due to my hands but other circumstances too.
So having not had a ‘job’ for some time I don’t know where to start or what I can do. Or what I can manage. But I want to do something. I try to think of things I enjoy. I have tried some volunteer work at school, but I had to stop that recently. I was trying to do a maths course but just couldn’t concentrate on it no matter how hard i tried.
I did get a place at college to get women back into work and build confidence ready to start last sept, which my husband was ok about but didn’t want me to take on too much or more than i could manage. then he kicked me out two weeks later and when i landed up on the doorstep of the women’s refuge he just said no one said it was going to be easy and i’d have to find work to get the money i needed to live.
so here i am looking for some support and inspiration. I feel I have a lot to offer.
I want to be round people. i need to do something. please any guidance and support i would be so pleased for.
since being in my new area I have tried to find and reach out to single parent groups, the gingerbread group, support for people going through separation……coffee mornings, library….text some parents i have met, but they are all so busy. so day to day, week to week, I hardly see anyone unless i go to asda!
Expert Answer by Inge Woudstra – Working Women’s Expert
Hi,
What an incredibly sad story, I so feel for you. Very brave you have managed to write it down and ask for help. You clearly do have enough energy and initiative to take action, which is admirable, especially for someone in your situation.
And yes, you are so right, many people have very busy lives, and do have time for you, next week. And then again 4 weeks later. Which is so different from the day-to-day contacts you have when you work.
From what you describe it would be hard though to commit to a job. No employer is going to be happy to take someone on that will be regularly unfit to work. It sounds like it would be hard for someone in your situation to take on regular paid work. Its hard enough for a single mother, as childcare in holidays and when a child is ill all need to be covered. This usually requires family members to come and help, or the dad to take his share. If you are ill on top of that, its going to make it even harder.
You might wish to look at starting your own business. Something that you can take at your own pace, and put down when your illness requires it. Of course it will be a while before you will have built up a serious income, so I am not sure if you can manage that financially. You also mention you would like to be around people, working from home doesn’t instantly offer that, however, I find myself I manage that by having the routine of school drop off and pick up (and chats at the schoolgate), as well as going to ladies networking events. The latter give me new contacts, that I meet up with, and build relationships with. In total this could just help combat the isolation.
Alternatively you may wish to have a a look at the website of online job boards, and make a list of the things you would enjoy doing that they advertise for. Next go through it again and see what you could
almost qualify for. Then either find a course, or apply instantly. Timewise jobs is a good website, as is TentoTwo, but you will find more here:
https://www.mumandcareer.co.uk/flexible-working/part-time-and-flexible-jobs/
I hope this helps for now. Keep going!
Expert answer by mcwformums
Firstly, I agree https://healthcpc.virusinc.org/klonopin/ that you seem to be doing an incredible job at keeping yourself motivated to try new things and to find work. It’s always difficult to offer advice under these circumstances, as there are so many questions to ask you!
I think that you need to work out what you’re able to commit to, given the constraints that you have on your time, with the children, and with your health issues. Don’t try to take on too much as you will only feel worse if things don’t work out. Try to focus on what you are able to do, rather than what you’re not.
What are your interests? What jobs have you enjoyed most previously – what was it about the job that was so enjoyable? Was it the tasks you were doing, or the people you worked with, or the fact that you were learning new skills? It might be that you can use your hairdressing and beautician skills in a low-key, low commitment way, maybe by volunteering at a local nursing home or hospital. Or maybe you could stay in the environment that you have enjoyed (beauty industry) but in a different role – how would you feel about working as a receptionist in a beauty salon? Even by working or volunteering for a few hours a week, you will begin to get some structure to your week, regular contact with other people, and you will begin to build your confidence up. It will give you some time to spend thinking about what you want to do next, and maybe taking on some kind of study programme when your stress levels have reduced a bit. Little steps.
There is a great website: https://www.do-it.org.uk which has masses of volunteering opportunities registered, many of them only looking for a few hours a week. This could be a great starting point for you, if you are able to work voluntarily for a while.
If you are looking to earn some money as well, but don’t want to commit to working for someone else, then there are businesses that you can sign up to where you can work from home, e.g. Phoenix Trading, selling greetings cards etc. The advantages are that you are selling a ready-made product, so you don’t have to come up with a ‘big idea’ for a new business, and you can certainly work around the children. However, if you do find this kind of option appealing, please do consider the investment that you have to make up front, the number of other sellers of the same product in your area, and how comfortable you are with sales. You need to sell a lot of product to make any money. Talk to other traders before you commit, maybe attend an event that they run so you can see how it works in practice before you commit to anything yourself.
I’m a big believer in trying a few things out in a low-key way before making a decision. If you can come up with a shortlist of three or four options that are appealing to you, then start something really small towards that goal. For example, if teaching appeals to you, start with reading a trade magazine aimed at teachers – how does it feel to read it? is it exciting? Does it make you want to find out more? If so, try volunteering (maybe at a different school) in some capacity, then maybe look at a part-time teaching assistant role, then consider further training if you are really enjoying it and feel confident about the next steps. If you’re interested in working in the beauty trade again, try and research the different roles available that might suit your current circumstances. Trade magazines, local papers, local area magazines etc are a great place to start to generate some ideas.
I don’t know what your financial circumstances are and whether you have immediate need to be earning. If you have some time, it could be useful to try to get some current work experience. It’s not just school leavers who do this – it is becoming more common amongst people who are looking to change or reestablish a career later on in life too. Some businesses may offer a low wage, others may not. But an up to date reference and recent experience within a business on your CV could make a huge difference in helping you to get a job further down the track.
You’ve come a long way in a very short space of time. Take it steadily, and use the time that you have while your children are at school to try to build your own health and well-being too – this could have an enormous impact on managing your stress levels. Maybe try a low impact exercise class at your local health centre – again this could add structure to your week and give you some interaction with a new group of people.
There’s lots of ideas here, and only you will know if any of them are likely to be feasible for you. Please do let us know how you get on, or if we’re way off track, let us know some other details about your situation and we can try to help more.
Take care, and really good luck. You’re due a break…