Being a grandparent is a wonderful joy – as long as the family stays together and remains in contact. There are many cases where divorce means that one set of grandparents loses touch with their grandchildren, perhaps for a few years, but sometimes, sadly, forever.
While this is now less likely thanks to the advent of social media, which allows for long-distance relationships between separated families, it is always possible, especially in the event of a particularly painful or contentious divorce. But do grandparents have any legal right to get to know their grandchildren and be included in their lives?
The brutal and short answer is no. In the UK, grandparents do not automatically have the right to spend time with or even remain in contact with their grandchildren without legal intervention.
Even in the event of the tragic death of both parents, grandparents are not automatically given custody of the children, nor is there any expectation that they should apply for it. However, in such a case, as long as the grandparents are relatively young, fit and well, with room and the income to provide for a child, an application to adopt their orphaned grandchildren will most likely be accepted. To be completely safe, parents should amend their wills, stating a firm wish as to who should be appointed their children's guardian in the event of their death.
But let us return to the prospect of family separations in which both parents are living, just living apart. If a grandparent strongly wishes to remain in contact with their grandchild, they can apply to the courts for a Contact Order. The court will consider the request, with the child's wellbeing always at the centre of consideration, and in most cases, an order of some kind is approved. In rare cases, usually when abuse or violence is involved, the courts may refuse the application. In other cases, the courts might mandate that only indirect contact may take place: in which only telephone calls, letters and emails can be exchanged. However, in most cases, the judge will decide on how much contact a grandparent is permitted and in what form it must take, from overnight or more extended visits to supervised play-dates and so on.
There are Parental Responsibility Orders, which people can apply for in order to be legally recognised as having equal parenting status with the biological parents of the child. However, this type of order is designed to protect the parental interests of same-sex parents, parents who used a surrogate, and fathers who were not named on the birth certificate, etc.: People who are in fact a parent to the child, but who do not have the legal standing needed to properly care for the child – it is not intended for grandparents' use.
However, the best option by far is to maintain a good relationship with both parents, staying in contact with your former daughter- or son-in-law, offering to help out with childcare as needed, and making it clear that despite the separation you are still keen to know and spend time with your grandchildren. If such an informal arrangement can be made, you may even find that your former in-law is relieved and happy to have someone to call upon when the children need looking after or picking up from school. However, needless to say, do not be tempted to badmouth your former in-law to their children – it is unkind to the children, probably unfair to the ex-in-law, and almost certainly the fastest way to be banned from seeing your grandchildren!
If your former in-law is doubtful about allowing you access to your grandchildren, you can attend mediation sessions with an independent family mediator who will work to arrive at the happiest solution for all parties concerned. After all, family is important, and the role played by grandparents in caring for grandchildren, easing the burden on busy parents, and just being there, ready, willing and able to step in if needed, is increasingly understood as being vital to the wellbeing and development of healthy, confident children. You may not have any legal grandparent rights – but you should still be able to see your grandchildren, as long as the best interests of the child are taken into account.
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