One of the biggest worries for working mums is childcare. Just because you know you cannot cut corners when it comes to childcare. Let me share with you what I, as a professional nanny looking from the outside in, have discovered that can make your choice of childcare easy.
A child is only as unhappy as its unmet needs
For the first 15 years of our lives, the world and people around us provide a mirror of who we are. We look to our parents in particular to validate who we are. When we look in the mirror, it’s important for us to see that we are OK – that all parts of us are loveable whether they are good or bad in other people’s eyes.
That is how our self-esteem is formed. By knowing that we are loved for who we are; not how we behave, not what we say and not what we do or don’t do. Having a strong sense of who we are and knowing that we are loved and accepted for that is by far the most grounding and solid start in life. Therefore your child’s needs should form the basis of your decision.
What does your child need?
Every child is different and every child has different needs. Working out what these are for your child is a good place to start. Here is a handy checklist that may help you make that all-important decision:
- Safe & Secure
Your ultimate goal is that your child feels safe and secure when they are not with you. I’ve seen how a distressed child positively responds to being held tightly in my arms. When they are gently soothed and reassured, they feel ‘nothing can hurt me, I’m OK.’
Many of us, as adults, still fear abandonment and rejection. They were probably our unmet needs as a child, so to prevent history from repeating itself (as we know how painful that can feel), we want to ensure that these needs are met for our child. I would recommend childcare that provides:
- Firm, fair discipline & boundaries
- Trust
- Routine & structure
- Consistency & predictability
- A qualified First Aider
- CRB checked
- Excellent references & good track record
- Positive Energy
Your ultimate goal here is that your child is exposed to healthy and positive situations as much as possible. Spending time around people and in places that are uplifting will ensure your child feels good. A child responds well to resilient, encouraging, flexible, fun people. A bright, cheery, smiley, confident carer will enrich your child’s world and provide a positive role model. It’s true that we become like the people we spend time with.
- Love
Without love, children cannot grow. They need love as much as they need oxygen to breathe. They need all the positive strokes they can get to know that they are special, unique, valued, important and OK. For some children this is hugs, cuddles and affection. It can also be time, attention, listening and understanding. When it comes to love for a child, they need warm, open, trusting, loving connections with others – it is here they learn about forming attachments outside of their immediate family circle. This means they are not always dependent on you and it also means they will be at ease about meeting other people and forming relationships with them.
- Emotional Intelligence
A child needs sensitivity, patience and understanding. Somebody who is emotionally mature and will allow the child to be, to explore and give them a positive validation of the world https://imagineear.com/pharmacy/generic-clomiphene/ around them. They will look beyond the behaviour and seek to understand what is driving it. They will have compassion and empathy for how it feels to be a child. They will have realistic expectations for the age of the child.
- Good Communicator
The language we use is important: age appropriate language that the child can easily understand. Body language is also important. Children watch what we do and copy us all the time. They need a lot of explanations for things so they don’t make things mean what they don’t mean. I’m sure your child has a vivid imagination and they can be affected by the simplest of things, just because they have misunderstood them.
- Age Appropriate Stimulation
Keeping your child entertained and happy isn’t just about making sure they are quiet and out of your hair. It’s more about discovering what inspires, motivates, fulfils and challenges them.
You may also want to consider the temperament of your child. Does your child need physical exercise, fresh air, stories, crafts, role-play, playmates, building, puzzles? Does your child prefer to spend time by themselves or around people?
You don’t want somebody to plonk them in front of the television and hope for the best. It isn’t healthy for their development. Of course, we all need time out to recharge our batteries and TV can be part of that.
- Responsible Role Model
A big factor in childcare compatibility is finding a responsible, mature nurturer with the same morals, values and ethics as you. Do you hold honesty, peace, commitment, and kindness in high regard? Do you have zero tolerance for smoking, impulsiveness, laziness, lying etc. What is important to you and your family?
How do you know which child carer is most suitable for your child?
Children are pretty flexible and will adapt quite quickly to new situations. Although just because this is true, don’t make your childcare a case of trial and error. If you investigate your options and match them against your needs checklist, you will be closer to getting it right first time.
It may be unrealistic to get all your child’s needs met. The reality of day-to-day living doesn’t always allow this and besides, we are all human. Nothing is perfect. I would aim for ticking as many of them as possible and look elsewhere to make up the ones that are missing.
Listen to your child’s instinct – how they feel is important
I would also recommend a trial period. Monitoring and watching your child adapt and respond to their new situation. They will be the indicator of what is working and what isn’t. Meeting a carer in advance and getting a feel for what your child thinks is a good idea. I’m a big fan of gut feelings and there is nobody in touch with those more than a child. They have open minds, innocence and a 6th sense that can detect ‘You don’t feel right to me’ at 10 paces!
Author: Lisa is a Professional Life Coach and experienced nanny who believes in squeezing every drop of happiness out of life! Life Coaching closes the gap between how your life is now and how you want it to be. Being happy is contagious – it will touch other people around you too. Discovering new things about yourself and creating a different way of living is fun and inspiring. Discover Life Coaching with Lisa Parkes to help make happy changes to your life.
Hi Lisa, listening to your child is extremely important when it comes to choosing childcare. They are rarely taken in by fakers.
And good communication is essential with your child’s carer, without that you are in big trouble never mind how she communicates with the kids!
It is my opinion that as a responsible parent you can have all of the above in place for your childcare. But we are all individuals irrespective of how old we are. Each one of us will have our own agenda for what is the best for the children in question. Children parents and nanny all have to connect. As a parent the dynamics of childcare can be extremely complex. Research and feedback are essential.