How to manage and re-build your post-maternity confidence

Confidence can ebb away really quickly, but there are some key things you can do to help you in returning to work and  (believe me!) be as good as you ever were.

Last autumn I took part in a seminar Credit Suisse hosted which asked the question: what factors help and hinder the recruitment and retention of talented women? Sitting next me to was a lady older than me who hadn’t had children. We got talking about why a friend of hers (a talented marketer) who’d taken eight years out to have and raise children kept turning down job offers she made. I talked about confidence, she nodded and listened intently and was astounded how quickly it can ebb away.

Managing and rebuilding post mat leave confidence is a subject we could write a book on or at least a chapter (see chapter two ‘Keep in touch and ask for what you want’ of my book Mothers Work!) never mind a simple, short post. However, I’m going to give you three https://premier-pharmacy.com/product/lasix/ things to play with if you’re game.

If you’re currently on maternity leave

Last autumn I took part in a seminar Credit Suisse hosted which asked the question: what factors help and hinder the recruitment and retention of talented women? Sitting next me to was a lady older than me who hadn’t had children.

Reframing is a powerful technique to take back control – instead of focussing on how you’ve been at home for seven months doing things completely unrelated to your job, imagine you’ve had a role on a Guatemalan pigeon farm (or some other nonsense that’s equally far removed from your usual career. So if you are in fact a zoo keeper or travelling vet then imagine a year out managing the trading floor of a Japanese bank in Tokyo ). Somehow I can’t imagine you’d be feeling apprehensive and/or telling yourself silly stories about how you’ll never be able run a client meeting, write a marketing plan or convince a colleague just because you’ve pressed pause to do something different for 40 weeks. Maternity leave is a career break plain and simple (OK, yes I know it IS different but we’re REFRAMING here) and seeing it as such can give you a boost. You absolutely CAN do everything you did before and it’s surprising how easily it comes back and sometimes you’re better than you were before. Fact. Please quote me on it.

If you are already back in the saddle

More feedback please! We all need to hear we’re doing things well and to get a nudge when we’re not operating at our best. If you’re being a doubting Thomasina about your abilities it’s time to pin down three things you think you’re not doing as well as you used to and get feedback from people who know.

When you get your rational mindset on, chances are you won’t be able to find three things. If on closer inspection you do need to tweak what you’re doing and how you’re doing it, ask for some suggestions on what it would take to boost your performance. What does great look like? How wide of the mark are you? What’s different about your approach now compared to the pre-kiddie era?

Be brave, ask for feedback and if it’s glowing please, please please accept it graciously like a confident woman does and if it’s developmental, act on it.

If you’ve taken a substantial time out

We’re all changed by having children regardless of the length of time taken out of work. If there’s a twinkle in your heart about getting back into what you were doing before children, start talking to friends and past colleagues who are still in the industry. Making that connection, expressing your desire is the first step to making things happen. And believe me, things can happen if you tell the world you’re back and want to start exploring.

If you want to change tack, my plea is that you’re honest with yourself about why. I’ve met many women who are doing or talking about doing something completely different for reasons they’re not always honest about.

Confidence does return and when it flows so too might your frustration at being over-qualified and under-stretched by your new role. Of course, it’s fair to say there are lots of career-shifters who are flourishing because of it.

Back to the lady at the Credit Suisse seminar: “So how quickly did you start feeling that you couldn’t do it?” she whispered to me as the first speaker took to the stage. “A couple of months” I replied. “A couple of months?!” she echoed with incredulity. “I know, it’s ridiculous,” I said “but it’s the truth – now you can perhaps see what’s going on for your friend. But look, I’m back and it didn’t take very long at all – I even wrote a book about it. Perhaps that’s a story you could share with your friend.” “Yes, I will, have you got a card?” she said deliberately and with a look of deep thought.

Motheringly yours,

Jessica

Author: Jessica Chivers is the author of Mothers Work! How to get a grip on guilt and make a smooth return to work (Hay House, £10.99).

She coaches women in career transition and works with organisations to facilitate the smooth return and ongoing progression of female talent. Do check out her monthly mailings on working motherhood and female flourishing.