Before I had children, I had jobs that deeply mattered to me but no career, or clear purpose, to speak of. Motherhood (and travel!) was the calling in my heart.
When I became a mum, I felt that I became more of myself. I expanded and grew as I lived this purpose. The challenges and failures were, and are, a part of that calling and the fulfilment of the journey wasn’t, and isn’t, complete without them. However, when my babies became children and I looked outside of my home, towards finding deep purpose in work and a path that was right for me, I realised that there were parts of me that I needed to come back to. I became increasingly aware that I was struggling to identify and acknowledge the skills, resources and strengths I source in myself everyday as a mother, as gifts that are full of value and wisdom for the wider world.
I have worked with and talked with many women who, like me, were comfortable to lead at home but, when it came to returning to work, were lacking in confidence. If you think about it, all those hours at home have skilled you up to face the toughest adversaries, the highest and deepest emotions, your biggest critics, creatively acting in the moment to respond to situations you couldn’t ever have imagined and all on so little sleep it’s ridiculous! The skills of motherhood are skills for anything life brings us.
Meeting others where they are at
Every day we meet our children, whatever age they are, where they are at. Without thinking, we assess what is going on with them and what is the main need, then we find the best way to respond, whether that is meeting that need or, if that’s not an option, acknowledging the need and the emotions and being with them in that space. Yes, of course, we all have many times when we react instead of respond but if we took time to reflect on all those times that we do respond to our children from our heart-level inner wisdom, along with the value of the impact those responses have on our growing children we would see our extensive capability more clearly. If we can handle the emotions and needs our children bring on a more than daily basis, managing our own emotions and needs simultaneously, then we can meet other human beings with the same compassion, creativity and ninja-style efficiency.
Holding those boundaries
We don’t hold boundaries with our children for our own amusement. We set boundaries based on what we know is best for our children, for the whole dynamic of the family, for our own self-care, our core values and because, well, children (indeed people of all ages) need boundaries in their lives for grounding, confidence, trust and more. It can be an exhausting part of the job but we do it, because it matters. And it is eased by boundaries being clear and consistent. In the world of work, whether employed or self-employed, it is the same; we set boundaries to be able to execute our role well and clearly, to build trust in our clients/colleagues/staff/boss and for our own self-care.
Improvising and deep listening
No matter how much we prepare for motherhood, we begin the journey from the beginning, finding our way every day, improvising as we go. Each phase of parenthood comes along, before we are ‘ready’ and we find our way through it, deeply listening to ourselves and our children, responding and learning along the way. We make mistakes and we grow. We make decisions based on what is best at that time. In her book, Playing Big, Tara Mohr points out how women (when working) tend to spend lot of energy overpreparing when improvising is often what is more valuable. Imagine what your impact and capacity would look like at work if you brought your tremendous ability to deeply listen and improvise from a place of wisdom.
The art of negotiation
It is becoming more recognised that men are much more likely to negotiate at work and yet, as mothers we are forever negotiating our way through situations, often emotional ones! These negotiations may be of a very different nature from negotiations in the world of work, but the skills and creativity are there. Knowing our objective, responding to the others’ needs or point of view and standing our ground, or compromising where necessary, are well ingrained in us from the experiences of motherhood. And, yes, negotiations in the workplace can often be more aggressive but we don’t need to man-up when we re-enter the world of work, we need to woman-up. We have negotiating skills and endurance worthy of the UN!
Bringing your unique strengths to the table
The FemmeQ community assert that we need more of the qualities of feminine intelligence – deep listening, compassion, inclusivity and respect for life – in the world outside of the home. We need a balance of the masculine and feminine. We also need authentic voices and action. We can only do things genuinely well if we do them from a place of our core values and true self. Motherhood has not de-skilled us but upskilled us. We have so much to offer out there.
We talk about ‘being good enough’ as mothers but we also need to recognise that we are also good enough, indeed much more than, for the wider world – local and global. So, the next time you doubt your voice and what you have to offer, take a breath and speak up. You have something to say and huge resources in you for creative and sustainable action and for positive impact on the world.
Bryony is a coach who specialises in coaching women through life transitions, from emerging as a young woman, through letting go of past phases of womanhood and embracing the next adventure and in coaching people who are living their lives in service of others through the work they do in the world. Find out more at www.bryonyrowntree.com
References:
Playing Big by Tara Mohr www.femmeq.org
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