I recently ran a workshop with 12 women, 12 mothers to be precise, and my was it a joy, for all of us. A joy of recognition. I felt I had personally struggled to find a way to make motherhood work for me. It had certainly been an interesting journey, with highs and lows. But, why had it been such a difficult one? I was an educated career woman; surely I knew what I was doing? What had gone wrong?
In the workshop I found I am not alone. All these women, with a wide variety of backgrounds, had experienced similar journeys. I can tell you, life certainly had not turned out the way we had expected.
‘I had a successful career in the airline industry, very international with very long hours. I never thought about children. Then I got married, moved to a new country and the jobs I found in my industry just weren’t as interesting as before. When I had a baby the decision to stay at home was easy: I had been fulfilled career-wise and now it was time for a new phase.’
‘I didn’t set out to have a career and work hard, but the culture of the banking industry changed, and after a number of years I found I was working very long hours indeed. I found myself back at work within a few weeks both after my first and second child. Then my position changed at work and I lost support, demands were too high. So I changed to a smaller firm that offered more flexibility. After a number of years here, work took off again and things had to change. Now I have four children, work for myself and take directorships, creating financial security and flexibility for the future.’
‘When I set out I wanted to travel, and I did. I imagined I would https://artsandhealth.ie/zovirax/ stay in teaching and academia, but that didn’t happen, so I had several jobs in law. When I was 30 I found myself at a crossroads career-wise. I had just met my husband and started thinking about children. I chose for in-house law as it has much better hours than private practice. Now I have the best of both worlds, I have three children at primary school, a nanny and work three days a week as an in-house lawyer.’
‘I set out on a career in the international energy industry. I had baby 1 and 2 while I was an expat abroad and was happy to squeeze them around work. Baby 3 and 4 followed while in a senior job in the UK head office. Then after working long hours for twenty years I suddenly found myself made redundant and at home with 4 teenagers. Now I apply my change management skills in the local community, and am much more available for my children. My idea of success really had to change and my priorities have shifted hugely, but I find this so rewarding.’
Don’t you think these women are all amazing, each one of them and if I would tell you the story if each of the other women in the workshop, you would find their stories would be similarly impressive.
It seems to me all of us are, in our own ways, figuring out this new way of motherhood. Our roles are certainly not defined by the kitchen and the school gates. This brings with it a new freedom, the freedom to shape our lives any way we think suitable. But it also brings uncertainty, insecurity and responsibility for our own choices. And little did we know how much our husbands and children can tug our heartstrings to shape ourselves around their lives!
Author: Inge Woudstra, founder of Mum&Career
Dear Inge,
I really feel inspired after reading the stories of these women, especially because they all seem to find their own work life balance. Thank you for sharing these. When I think of my own journey so far I think I did a pretty nice job in combining my professional career and raising the kids. But, unfortunately I must say, this is not an easy journey; the balance seems to change every now and then and it is hard work to find a way to make it work and to keep everybody happy (including yourself !!!). I think it is great that you are offering us a platform to exchange ideas, solutions, thoughts, feelings and read more about what is out there to help us with our balancing act. I look forward to hear the views of other mums.
It’s good to hear you found some inspiration in these stories. And let me tell you, it wasn’t an easy journey for any of them. I feel moving away from the traditional ‘mum at home, dad works’ model, seems to be a long-term process. I think our generation really was the first who had it all and then had to figure out how to make that work. And there isn’t a standard solution, we all have to find what works for us, in our situation.