How to Help Your Child With School Anxiety

School anxiety is a common yet distressing issue that affects many children and their families. As a parent, watching your child struggle with anxiety related to school can be heart-breaking and frustrating. In this blog post, we will explore what school anxiety is, introduce you to the concept of tapping (a powerful tool to help manage anxiety), and provide practical advice on how to use tapping to support your child. Our aim is to offer a gentle, understanding, and actionable guide to help you and your child navigate this challenging situation.

Understanding School Anxiety

School anxiety encompasses a range of fears and worries that children may experience in relation to their school environment. This can include:

• Fear of separation from parents or caregivers
• Worry about academic performance
• Anxiety about social interactions and peer relationships
• Fear of bullying or teasing
• General unease about the school environment, which could lead to school avoidance.

Children with school anxiety may exhibit various symptoms such as stomach aches, headaches, trouble sleeping, irritability, and outright refusal to go to school. It’s important to recognise that these behaviors are not just about being difficult; they are manifestations of genuine distress.

The Impact of School Anxiety on Families

The effects of school anxiety extend beyond the child, impacting the entire family's mental health. Parents may feel helpless, stressed, and unsure of how to best support their child's mental health, especially when each school day brings new challenges. Siblings might also be affected by the tension and changes in routine that accompany a child's anxiety about the school day. It’s essential to approach this issue with empathy and patience, understanding that it is a complex problem with no quick fixes. Each school day can bring different stressors, and it's important for the whole family to work together to create a supportive environment.

Introducing Tapping: A Tool for Managing Anxiety

Tapping, also known as Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), is a powerful and effective method for reducing anxiety. It combines elements of traditional Chinese acupressure and modern psychology, involving gentle tapping on specific points on the body while focusing on a particular issue or emotion.

How to Tap:

1. Tapping Points: There are several key points on the body where you tap with your fingertips. These points include:
   • Side of the Hand Point: Located on the outer edge of your hand, below the pinky finger.
   • Eyebrow: At the beginning of the eyebrow, just above and to the side of the nose.
   • Side of the Eye: On the bone near the outer corner of the eye.
   • Under the Eye: On the bone under an eye, approximately 1 inch below your pupil.
   • Under the Nose: In the crease between your nose and upper lip.
   • Chin: Midway between the point of your chin and the bottom of your lower lip.
   • Collarbone: Just below the hard ridge of your collarbone.
   • Under the Arm: On the side of your body, about 4 inches below the armpit.
   • Top of the Head: On the crown of the head.
2. Number of Fingers: Use two or three fingertips to tap on each point. You can use either hand or both hands to tap on these points.
3. How Many Times to Tap: Typically, you tap each point 5-7 times, but the exact number isn't critical. The goal is to tap each point enough to stimulate the energy meridian beneath the skin.

Scientific Evidence:

A significant study published in the Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease demonstrated that tapping can significantly lower cortisol levels, the hormone associated with stress (Church et al., 2012). Participants who used tapping experienced a 24% reduction in cortisol levels, compared to a 14% reduction in the psychotherapy group and no significant change in the control group. This indicates that tapping can be a highly effective tool for managing stress and anxiety.

How to Simplify Tapping for Children

Introducing tapping to children requires a simplified and child-friendly approach. Here are some practical steps:

1. Skip the Setup Phrase: For adults, tapping often begins with a setup phrase like, "Even though I have this anxiety, I deeply and completely accept myself." For children, this can be confusing or unnecessary. Focus instead on the basic tapping points and simple statements about their feelings.
2. Use Simple Words: Keep the language straightforward. Instead of complex phrases, use simple, clear words that the child understands. For example, "I feel scared," "I'm worried about school," or "I don't like being away from mum."
3. Basic Tapping Recipe:  Here is a simple tapping script that you can use with your child. This script is designed to be straightforward and easy for children to follow, helping them to articulate their feelings and reduce anxiety.
   
   Side of the Hand:
   • "I feel worried about going to school today."
   Eyebrow:
   • "I don't really know why."
   Side of the Eye:
   • "But it's making me feel nervous."
   Under the Eye:
   • "I feel this worry about going to school in my body."
   Under the Nose:
   • "It's okay to feel this way."
   Chin:
   • "I'm safe even if I feel worried about school."
   Collarbone:
   • "I can handle these feelings."
   Under the Arm:
   • "This worry about school is just a feeling."
   Top of the Head:
   • "I can let go of some of this worry about going to school now."
   
   Repeat this sequence 2-3 times or until your child feels a bit more relaxed. Encourage them to take deep breaths and check in with their feelings after each round. Adjust the phrases to better fit your child's specific concerns and language. Encourage them to tap gently on each point while repeating their simple statement to reduce feelings of being anxious. If it's easier for your child to focus on 3-4 points, that's okay. The key is to tap while focusing on the specific issue or emotion.
4. Use Arms to Show Emotion Size: Children may benefit from a visual representation of their emotions. Ask them to stretch their arms wide if their anxiety feels big or keep them close if it feels smaller. This can help them articulate their feelings and see progress as the tapping reduces the size of their emotions.
5. Create a Routine: Integrate tapping into your daily routine. Regular practice, especially in the morning before school and in the evening, can help children manage their anxiety more effectively.

Going Deeper with EFT Tapping

When dealing with school anxiety, a young child might be thinking, feeling, and experiencing a variety of emotions and physical sensations. Here are some common thoughts, feelings, and experiences that can be incorporated into another round of tapping:

Thoughts:

• "I'm scared I'll make mistakes."
• "What if no one wants to play with me?"
• "I don't want to leave Mum and Dad."
• "What if the teacher gets angry with me?"
• "I can't do my work as well as the other kids."

Feelings:

• Nervousness
• Fear
• Sadness
• Embarrassment
• Loneliness

Physical Sensations:

• Stomach aches
• Headaches
• Feeling shaky or jittery
• Sweaty palms
• Fast heartbeat

Additional Tapping Script

Here’s an additional tapping script addressing these thoughts and feelings:

Side of the Hand:

• "I'm scared I'll make mistakes."

Eyebrow:

• "I feel nervous about school."

Side of the Eye:

• "What if no one wants to play with me?"

Under the Eye:

• "I don't want to leave Mum and Dad."

Under the Nose:

• "I'm scared the teacher will get angry."

Chin:

• "I feel sad and lonely."

Collarbone:

• "My stomach hurts because I'm worried."

Under the Arm:

• "I can't do my work as well as the other kids."

Top of the Head:

• "I feel shaky and my heart is beating fast."

Repeat this sequence 2-3 times, encouraging your child to take deep breaths and check in with their feelings after each round. Adjust the phrases to better fit your child's specific concerns and language.

Additional Strategies to Help Your Child Cope with School Anxiety

While tapping is a powerful tool to help manage school anxiety, it's also beneficial to explore a variety of other strategies to support your child. Here are some additional methods you can use to help your child cope with school anxiety:

• Encourage Open Discussions About School
  Create a safe and welcoming environment for your child to freely express their thoughts and feelings about school. Encourage them to share their experiences, concerns, and any challenges they may be facing. By fostering open discussions about school, you can gain valuable insights into what your child is going through and provide them with the necessary support and guidance. It is important to actively listen to your child without judgment and validate their emotions, showing them that their feelings are acknowledged and understood. Regularly checking in with your child about school can help them feel more comfortable expressing themselves and alleviate any anxieties they may be experiencing.
• Teach Relaxation Techniques for Stress
  Another effective way to help your child cope with school anxiety is by teaching them relaxation techniques for stress. Stress management is a crucial skill that can benefit children in various aspects of their lives, including academic performance and overall well-being. Encouraging your child to practice deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, or visualisation techniques can help them relax their mind and body when feeling overwhelmed or anxious. By incorporating these techniques into your child's daily routine, you can empower them with tools to manage stress and anxiety whenever they arise. Additionally, engaging in physical activities such as yoga, meditation, or going for a walk can be beneficial in reducing stress levels and promoting relaxation, contributing to overall mental health support. By teaching your child these techniques, you are equipping them with valuable strategies to navigate through challenging situations and build resilience against school-related stressors.
• Foster Positive Study Habits Daily
  Consistent reinforcement of positive study habits is essential in supporting your child's academic success and overall well-being. Encourage your child to establish a daily routine that includes dedicated study time, free of distractions and disruptions. Setting aside specific blocks of time each day for homework, reviewing class material, and studying for upcoming tests can help your child stay organised and on track with their academic responsibilities. Emphasise the importance of creating a conducive study environment, such as a quiet and well-lit space with all necessary materials at hand. By fostering a habit of daily study sessions, your child will develop discipline, time management skills, and a sense of accomplishment as they make progress in their academic pursuits. Consistent practice of positive study habits can also contribute to reducing anxiety and boosting confidence in handling academic challenges effectively.
• Advocate for Professional Counselling Support
  It is crucial to recognise that addressing school anxiety in children may require professional counselling support. Professional counsellors are equipped with the knowledge and expertise to help children and young people navigate through their emotional challenges in a safe and supportive environment. By advocating for professional counselling support, you are providing your child with access to valuable resources and tools to effectively manage and cope with their anxiety. A counsellor can work with your child to identify the root causes of their anxiety, develop coping strategies, and offer guidance on how to build resilience in the face of academic stressors, ensuring the child receives the mental health support they need. Seeking professional counselling support demonstrates a proactive approach towards addressing your child's school anxiety and prioritising their mental health and well-being.
• Maintain a Supportive Home Environment
  Creating a supportive home environment plays a pivotal role in helping your child navigate through school anxiety and promoting their overall wellbeing. Ensure that your home is a safe space where your child feels comfortable expressing their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment. Foster open communication by actively listening to your child's concerns and providing reassurance and encouragement. Establishing a routine that includes designated study time, breaks, and relaxation activities can help create a sense of normality and structure, easing any feelings of overwhelm or anxiety. Additionally, encourage positive coping mechanisms such as mindfulness exercises, physical activities, or hobbies that can serve as healthy outlets for stress. By maintaining a supportive and nurturing home environment, you are offering your child a solid foundation that promotes emotional well-being and resilience in the face of school-related challenges and anxiety about school.

Understanding Secondary Gains

It's crucial to recognise that sometimes there are secondary gains to school refusal. Secondary gains are the indirect benefits that a child might receive from not going to school, such as extra attention from parents, avoidance of stressful situations, or escaping academic pressures. While these gains can reinforce the anxiety behavior, it's important to address them gently and thoughtfully.

Strategies to Address Secondary Gains:

1. Positive Reinforcement: Encourage and reward attendance and effort. Praise your child for small steps towards attending school and facing their fears.
2. Open Communication: Have honest conversations with your child about their fears and what they are experiencing. Understanding the root cause of their anxiety can help address secondary gains more effectively.
3. Collaborate with School Staff: Work closely with teachers, counsellors, and school administrators to create a supportive environment for your child. This might include adjustments to their schedule, a buddy system, or access to a quiet space if they feel overwhelmed.

Final Thoughts

Helping your child navigate school anxiety is a journey that requires patience, empathy, and persistence, especially when a child is struggling. By introducing tapping as a tool, simplifying it for children, and addressing secondary gains, you can support your child in managing their anxiety more effectively. Remember, the goal is not to eliminate anxiety completely but to equip your child with the tools to cope with it in a healthy and productive way.

For more information on the study referenced in this post, you can access it here (Church et al., 2012).

At mumandcareer.co.uk, we are committed to providing resources and support for parents navigating the complexities of raising children in today’s world. We hope this guide offers you valuable insights and practical steps to help your child with anxiety about school.

FAQ: Understanding and Addressing School Anxiety in Children

What are some common signs and symptoms of school anxiety in children?

Common signs and symptoms of school anxiety in children may include frequent stomach aches or headaches, difficulty sleeping or experiencing nightmares, avoiding school-related activities, excessive worry about performance or grades, irritability or moodiness, and presenting physical complaints without a clear medical cause. It’s crucial for parents and teachers to be vigilant about these signs and to provide the necessary support and resources to help children manage their anxiety and feel more comfortable at school.

How can parents create a supportive and understanding environment for a child experiencing anxiety about school?

Parents can create a supportive environment for a child experiencing school anxiety by:

• Listening Actively: Pay close attention to their concerns and validate their feelings.
• Developing Coping Strategies: Work with your child to find effective ways to manage their anxiety.
• Maintaining Open Communication: Keep lines of dialogue open, reassuring your child that their feelings are normal.
• Seeking Professional Help: Don’t hesitate to consult with a GP, child psychologist, or school counsellor if the anxiety persists.
• Creating a Predictable Routine: Consistency can be very comforting, so establish regular routines at home and school.
• Encouraging Relaxation Techniques: Practices such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or gentle exercise can be beneficial.
• Fostering a Positive Attitude Towards School: Celebrate small achievements and focus on the positives of the school experience.

By showing understanding, patience, and empathy, parents can create a nurturing environment that helps their child feel supported and safe.

What strategies can parents use to help their child manage and cope with school anxiety?

Parents can help their child manage school anxiety and make the transition back to school by:

• Creating a Supportive Environment: Encourage open communication and be receptive to your child’s feelings.
• Establishing Consistent Routines: Having a predictable daily schedule can help reduce anxiety.
• Encouraging Positive Self-Talk: Help your child develop a positive inner dialogue to counter negative thoughts.
• Practicing Relaxation Techniques: Techniques such as breathing exercises, mindfulness, or gentle yoga can be very helpful.
• Setting Realistic Goals: Work with your child to set achievable goals and celebrate their successes.
• Seeking Professional Help: If the anxiety is severe, professional support from a child psychologist or therapist can be invaluable.

By creating a safe, understanding atmosphere, parents can empower their child to manage their anxiety and thrive at school.

How can parents work with teachers and school staff to address their child’s school anxiety?

Parents can collaborate effectively with teachers and school staff by:

• Communicating Openly: Discuss your child’s specific fears and triggers with the teachers and staff.
• Collaborating on Support Strategies: Work together to develop and implement strategies that support your child’s well-being in the classroom.
• Seeking Guidance from Professionals: Consult with school counsellors or educational psychologists for advice and support.
• Maintaining Consistency: Ensure that routines and support strategies are consistent both at home and at school.
• Encouraging Positive Coping Mechanisms: Promote strategies such as journaling, talking to a trusted adult, or engaging in calming activities.
• Creating a Supportive Environment: Foster an atmosphere where your child feels comfortable expressing their feelings and concerns.

By working together, parents, teachers, and school staff can significantly reduce the child’s anxiety and create a more supportive learning environment.

Are there any professional resources or support groups available for parents seeking help with their child’s school anxiety?

Yes, there are several professional resources and support groups available:

• Child Psychologists and Therapists: Professional help can provide tailored strategies to support your child’s mental health.
• School Counsellors: Many schools have counsellors who can offer support and strategies for managing anxiety.
• Support Groups: Organisations such as the National Association of School Psychologists (NASP) and the UK’s Anxiety UK provide valuable resources and community support for parents.
• Online Communities: Websites like Mumsnet or dedicated Facebook groups can connect you with other parents facing similar challenges.

Seeking help from these resources can provide essential support and practical strategies for managing and overcoming school anxiety in children. If you're interested in exploring how tapping can specifically benefit your child, learn more about tapping techniques and their effectiveness on the tappingassociation.com website