Taking time out of the workplace after having children can seriously affect your self-confidence.
Mums usually have a break from the workplace when they have children, whether they dip out for a few weeks or several months on maternity leave, or have a more extended career break. It’s common too to change roles or employer after having a baby, in search of a job that fits more flexibly around family life. The upshot of these career changes that even if you return to work after having children, you could find yourself in a position where you feel like you’re not working at your full potential.
Identity and work
Any of these scenarios can have a huge impact on self-confidence. Identity and self-worth is so often tied up with what we do at work. We get a job title that we can use to describe ourselves to people when they ask us what we do. We are (hopefully) recognized at work for what we contribute – and if we do well we get rewarded, with a pay rise or a promotion. There’s feedback.
When you step away from that and become a stay-at-home mum or take a job that just fits in and doesn’t really stretch you, or make you feel proud of what you’re doing, then it can really change how you feel about yourself.
When your main role is looking after children, it doesn’t come with a job title that sums up what you’ve achieved throughout your life and worked for in the years leading up to parenthood. When people meet you they take you at face value, without any of the backstory. You just become someone’s mum.
You don’t get pay rises, you don’t get people telling you that you are doing a good job. Day to day, it doesn’t always feel like you are accomplishing all that much. You can start to feel disconnected from your ex-colleagues. It seems like they are going places where you are staying the same.
Confidence dips
A very natural consequence of all this, is that when you’re ready to return to work or find a job that you can get your teeth into, you’re likely to realise that your confidence has taken a knock. What you used to do at work seems lost in the haze of time, and your self-belief in what you are capable of in the workplace has lessened.
Compared to what was in your comfort zone before you stepped off the career ladder, you might feel now that you don’t know what you’re capable of. The skills you used at work that made you feel competent and successful might seem like a very distant memory. You may find yourself worrying that you have forgotten what you knew and that your skills are out of date.
Does this sound like you? If so, I want to say something to you about all this: these doubts are not based on anything of substance. You can absolutely still do everything you did before your career break – and more besides. You haven’t lost any skills or expertise since you left, instead you’ve gained new experience and increased your perspective.
How are your negotiation and time management skills now you’ve had kids? What about your levels of patience and ability to influence others? And something else: you’ll have met lots of new people from different walks of life since you had children, broadening your outlook and extending your network. You’ve got loads more life experience now.
So you have even more to offer than you did before. And all your old skills are still there. It might well be that you worked in an industry where there have been technology changes, and there is a capability gap now, but in the vast majority of cases, a training course or mentoring will soon bring you up to speed.
Aim high
So what I want to say to you is that please don’t sell yourself short and listen to those doubts that come to the fore when you’re relaunching a career after an employment gap. If you listen that inner critic, then you’ll go for jobs that are not at the right level for you, instead of aiming high, back where you belong.
You might have an expectation that, because you’ve had time out you should return at a lower level, as you’re not going to be as productive now. If you’re thinking that about yourself, stop now! You have all the skills you had before and when you put yourself back into a position where you can use them, they’ll soon come back.
People pay money to coaches like me to help them make changes to their behaviour, because changing behavior is actually pretty difficult. Everything you’ve done that was a habit, is ingrained in you. It might have got pushed to one side while you’ve been busy doing other things, but it’s still there and those neural pathways are ready to fire up when you need them.
Anyone who starts a new job needs to settle in, even when they haven’t had a career break. So you’d be no different. So, please, don’t sell yourself short. If you are looking to kick start your career, aim high, not low and don’t be the one to limit you.
When you’re ready to apply for a job that gets you excited, know that you deserve to have a role you’ll enjoy and that fulfils you. You have so much to contribute and value to give. Don’t give up because it’s a challenge to get back in. Remember what you’ve achieved before your career break and during it, and use that to build your confidence and relaunch your career boldly.
Guest post written by Emma Waltham, Career Returner Coach.
Emma helps women aim high when relaunching their careers after children and writes the Career Returner Blog.
0 Comments